Pacifist

[Verse 1]
And honestly, my honesty being questioned at every turn
Will make me reevaluate myself with every spurn
My stomach churns, my heart breaks and my head aches
My soul and the soles of my feet have made mistakes
More than any person should make, besides the fact
The point is I'm still intact but still under attack
Perfectly justified combat, don't pity me today
Don't feel bad for me tomorrow, I don't want the cliches
I want the peace of mind, not at war
I don't want the metaphors, I want to hear its core
Forgive, forget, regret, relive.
Let me die, let me live, let me grab a pan and sieve
Filter out all the ugliness and what is even left?
Half a human? Even less? That's not daft or deft
Theft of intellectual property, space in my mind
Blankness being taken over by steps that over wind
And everything falls apart, and everything crumbles
And the walls shudder and humbly I will continue to huddle
Crawl space, bold face, yes I am misplaced
This race, this pace, giving meaning to human waste
Stress builds up better than pre-school blocks now
And there's still a mess even if you knock it down
My fingers grip with the power of a vice
But my vices will remind me that I am not that nice
So I lose it and I fall. I leave without my all
Bleach my sins and let my voice echo off the wall
The heart grows 5 sizes bigger that day
But what if you start off with no heart to play?
Zero times anything is zero
Basically my life summed up, bad luck at a casino
Spin the wheel, roll the dice, flip the cards
The odds against you are stacked. This is way too hard
And that's what I told her, I want you to rub my head
I want you to tell me things will be alright instead
Hold me tighter, the cracks are getting bigger
Squeeze me too tight and I'll go off like a trigger
Walk that fine balance, I'm on the cool team
But without any friends is what it seems
So loneliness is my closest acquaintance
I don't want to say friends, because I'm afraid it's
Going to come true. Going to be reality
If I revisit and revise all my different strategies
Will you be mad at me? Will you rattle me?
Will you shake me until I go numb? Is this how it will be?!
I'm a mess. Even though I look clean
You think I'm nice. Even though I am mean
You think this, but I'll say it's that.
You want to chit but I won't want to chat
I want to talk. I want to see you face to face
I want to hear your voice. Please don't make haste
The fire is so warm, the sky is so clear
The stars look down on us only because they fear
They're a captive audience looking on stage
Let's perform for them, give them something for the age
So what do you say? Do we say good night?
Will we say good morning? Well, we might.
And if that's the case, let's be brief
I've got things on my chest locked up, be my thief
I'm afraid you'll pawn away those pieces of me
For everybody to have, but I'm willing to see


And if I need to return, I've got my receipt.